Sunday, April 19, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Beautiful Windows
I struggle so much with being a father.
Counting the days until my son learns to talk, counting the hours until (I assume) I can communicate with him and teach him how to be a man, I look at my little one year-old, staring at me, searching for answers and whimpering, unable to say what he really needs. I wish I were a better man, I wish I weren't frustrated, but I am, and it seems to happen a lot lately, especially as my son becomes more active, more physical, more aware of his surroundings. I wonder if this is the anguish that most fathers face--maybe it is, but maybe I'm just not very good at being a father.
All I know is that when I look into his eyes, I look at a human being who is in the bud of life, and I (through no skill or thought of my own) have been given the immense responsibility of teaching him what it is to be alive, to love, to fight, and to be alone when no one else wants to do what is right. I wish I had something inspirational to say about it, or a lesson learned that offers me insight into how to be a father, but sadly, I came into this job with the kind of training so many of us seem to have had. How do you walk into the most sacred role that humans have been bestowed when you have never had a good father to raise you?
Counting the days until my son learns to talk, counting the hours until (I assume) I can communicate with him and teach him how to be a man, I look at my little one year-old, staring at me, searching for answers and whimpering, unable to say what he really needs. I wish I were a better man, I wish I weren't frustrated, but I am, and it seems to happen a lot lately, especially as my son becomes more active, more physical, more aware of his surroundings. I wonder if this is the anguish that most fathers face--maybe it is, but maybe I'm just not very good at being a father.
All I know is that when I look into his eyes, I look at a human being who is in the bud of life, and I (through no skill or thought of my own) have been given the immense responsibility of teaching him what it is to be alive, to love, to fight, and to be alone when no one else wants to do what is right. I wish I had something inspirational to say about it, or a lesson learned that offers me insight into how to be a father, but sadly, I came into this job with the kind of training so many of us seem to have had. How do you walk into the most sacred role that humans have been bestowed when you have never had a good father to raise you?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
The Tour Begins
I still have no idea what I want to write about in this blog, but I guess I'll start with the basics. My family and I live in Fort Worth, Texas, where I used to study English as a doctoral student. I would have continued my studies here, but my wife and I realized that my continued involvement with the university was spiritually destructive to our family. I work for a company called SMARTHINKING.COM, which has been very good to me and to my family, and I am a full-time husband and father.
My little boy Isaiah is very special to me. He has a sweet soul and a calm, gentle spirit. He also likes to talk with people, and he is a very physical little guy. At one year old (plus), he is a little skinny for his age, but he can crawl, sit, pivot (even while sitting), and even stand (with support). He hasn't learned to talk yet, but I imagine that he soon will, given his interest in people.
Jessica is my soul mate. She and I were born for each other.
Anyway, that's a little slice of what my family is like. I think I'll keep writing about them for right now, and we'll see where this blog goes. For now, it seems like it's going in a better direction than any of my previous ones did!
My little boy Isaiah is very special to me. He has a sweet soul and a calm, gentle spirit. He also likes to talk with people, and he is a very physical little guy. At one year old (plus), he is a little skinny for his age, but he can crawl, sit, pivot (even while sitting), and even stand (with support). He hasn't learned to talk yet, but I imagine that he soon will, given his interest in people.
Jessica is my soul mate. She and I were born for each other.
Anyway, that's a little slice of what my family is like. I think I'll keep writing about them for right now, and we'll see where this blog goes. For now, it seems like it's going in a better direction than any of my previous ones did!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Welcome to My New Home
I've had blogs on here off and on for about 4 years. My first foray into blogging was a disaster and alienated several of my friends from college (as it should have--the content was really bizarre). My second foray into blogging was an ill-conceived attempt to "revise" my first blog, which was, at best, insincere. Finally, I thought I'd put up a couple of new blogs from the "Christian" point of view, deleting the older blogs I had already posted--those were preachy and insincere.
Now, I'm just going to put up a blog . . . starring me. No gimmicks, no cool, groovy hooks like recipes or sermons or videos. Just writing about what's going on in my life. I'm not arrogant enough to think that anyone (including you) would be excited about my life or that my life should be exciting, but maybe someone out there will find something I say signficant or inspirational to them.
Now, I'm just going to put up a blog . . . starring me. No gimmicks, no cool, groovy hooks like recipes or sermons or videos. Just writing about what's going on in my life. I'm not arrogant enough to think that anyone (including you) would be excited about my life or that my life should be exciting, but maybe someone out there will find something I say signficant or inspirational to them.
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